Exhausted

I just spent the last half hour throwing myself in bed, crying. I cut myself with a steak knife. I didn't draw any blood, bu the pain itself was enough for me to keep doing it.

Recovery is exhausting. Being positive is exhausting. Trying to be normal is exhausting.

My history of self-harm

I first attempted self-harm when I was in college. It was my sophomore year, and I had problems academically, with my mom, my friends, and my love life. I didn't know how to cope except by drinking.When I got home after another night of drunkenness, my mother slapped me around and said she wished she had aborted me when she had the chance.

Roller Coaster

Depression makes you feel weird. Like one day, you're all good and happy, and things seem to be looking up. Recovery can feel like a piece of cake. Forging connections with fellow humans is a breeze. You get just the right amount of sleep.