I missed my last therapy session because I was too exhausted. I only have enough meds for 2 days, so I'll be struggling until Friday, when I've rescheduled my next session with R.
I am not sure if this is purely a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I can feel the difference when I'm off meds. My anxiety gets a lot worse. Palpitations, sweaty palms (although my hands really are sweaty), and awful thoughts race through my head. It feels so awful, I just want to curl into a ball and die.
Sleeping doesn't help because my slumber is disturbed by really weird dreams. Lately I've been dreaming about alternate timelines where I go to college with my high school batchmates, which SUCKS because I hated high school. I often end up waking feeling depressed and inadequate.
It doesn't help that my boyfriend is also currently going through a lot of shit and can't help me out right now. We both need emotional support which apparently we can't give to each other.
I feel like I'm drowning, again.
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